So it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas and by Christmas I mean like turkey, pigs in blanket, roast potatoes, Eggnog, tree stuffed with decorations, wrapped presents, countless hours in front of telly, empty bank account and of course that holiday guilt that slowly but steady builds up in my gut whilst all I actually should be feeling is Xmas spirit.
What am I talking about?
That crippling feeling because you’re eating yet another serving of desert or having a third buzzy night in a row. That incapability to relax and watch Lord of the Rings marathon with your brother because you’ve got work to do (although on hols) or exam to study for. And that awful guilt of not working out for days yet eating nothing but carbs.
Oh yes, xmas holidays are very holly jolly when you’re a kid but being an adult during holidays is sometimes very stressy depressy.
Anytime between 24th of December and 6th of January there is that sinking pit in my stomach after having anything, I MEAN ANYTHING TO EAT that’s not a leaf of lettuce. It’s been around for few years now and I won’t lie to you no matter how hard I’ve worked on myself that year. Whenever I’m like: “ok B, ten days of eating whatever your heart wants!” that sucker creeps up and I mean I still eat but sometimes I cry afterwards. I dunno why it’s there but this year it isn’t invited. Because I don’t care about my size. I don’t care if I’ll gain 3kg just after Crimbo lunch. It is baby Jesuses birthday after all and if I want to eat all the potatoes I shall eat all the potatoes.
I don’t know when I became so fussy with my C-day outfit because I swear to God I used to spend the day in my pyjamas until few years ago but that shit also brings no joy ok? Let’s face the fact that no one, I mean NO ONE will see my fancy spanx and matching bra under overpriced dress I will probably never wear again. So H&M dress will do this year and there will be no ah’s and oh’s if cranberry sauce gets on it.
And we also have the great fear of time wasting. I’ve mastered telling myself that time I enjoy wasting isn’t really wasted. That watching Friends for the fifth time or sitting and listening to music whilst staring at the lights or just simply going for walk by yourself isn’t wasting time. If it does you and your mental health good, it’s opposite of wasted. It’s what you need and maybe it’s just me telling myself that it’s ok to watch all HP movies on Boxing day but who can really say no to that?
I know holidays are tough and sometimes we are all a little bit more like Grinch but that’s normal.
It’s completely ok to feel gutted when your uncle Bob asks if you’re married yet, found a real job or when are you buying the house??? or if aunt Karen comments on your weight and the fact you’ve been downing prosecco all night? BUT you shouldn’t just stay there listening to that shit. Walk away from it. Walk away from it with a smile knowing who you are and what matters is that you are loved and worthy of having the best time of your life. What really counts is on the inside.
Let me just remind you that this holidays you are allowed to sleep in late. Leave your spanx in the drawer. Eat too much. Cry for no reason. Spend some time alone. Drink. Waste time. Slow down. And most importantly enjoy yourself.
Happy hols babes, have the best time ever!
Knickers: M&S (very on brand)