Thank you next is my most listened song on Spotify in 2019. NO SHIT SHERLOCK. Ari girl thought me so much so there’s no surprise that Jan 2019 me and December 2019 me are two VERY different people.
My calendar year is usually Jan 3rd to December 26th, and anything in between is a transitional period. I just need few days to sit down and look back for the last time and decide what shitty moments to leave in the past, say thanks for all the good and take all the lessons I possibly can. And to set goals.
But I can’t write about a new year without reflecting on this past year.
2019 was, phew. Indescribable really. It was a year that had so much good but paradoxically said: “did you die though?” The whole mood people were generally in was “disappointed but not surprised” and frankly I get it. Despite several bad days and few heart breaks, I had a great year. You want to know why? Because I made it possible for myself. I had the AUDACITY. To say what’s on my mind, to ask for what I deserve and to walk away when someone/something didn’t serve me anymore.
I learnt so much about myself. Rediscovered this whole new nearly adult person who doesn’t settle for less than she deserves. Who refuses to stay quiet if injustice is being done or if someone is in need of kind words. A person who fully accepted who she is, what she likes and what she wants. A woman who hates her time being wasted and despises being treated like a child. A friend who has friends she can depend on and share a little bit of comfortable silence with. I found new passions. I achieved some of my childhood goals. I laughed. I cried. I lost family members but equally learnt there is a new one on the way. I made peace with some people but decided to leave them in the past. I left all of the bitter, messy, and hurt behind. I found love. Love for me, my body and my well being. I became more open to new beginnings, new chapters and new opportunities. I stopped being so hard on myself but also on the others. I let go of things that can’t be controlled and I restored my inner peace. I am more grounded and more present in my life.
And ready to take on another year.
Every year I write down resolutions, so why would this year be any different? However, this time I want to keep them to myself. Because in 2020, I want to be a girl who doesn’t talk about what she’s going to do – she just does it. A girl who trusts herself and has no doubt in her abilities. Someone who has faith in timing and is slowly but steadily moving towards her goals because she know’s better than expecting instant changes. I want to know when I need to push harder and when I need to pull back. Someone who rests when needed knowing it’s for the best. A woman who has her priorities sorted and is guarding that fiercely. Someone who isn’t her own obstacle.
And to you I want the same. I hope you find yourself. Your true-honest-self.
Don’t be scared to embrace that pearson.
There is nothing wrong with being a half-vegan, semi-sustainable or that basic bitch.
I also wish you peace. And that you fall asleep the moment your head hits the pillow. That you stop overthinking. I hope you have no need for sad tears. That you don’t know of that horrible chest feeling when you’re in ER, or waiting for the results. I wish you have a job you’ll love going to and that alarm sound isn’t the worst thing ever. I hope you have no regrets because what you did was what you wanted in that exact moment. I hope you stop looking what’s the last time someone was online, that you believe in yourself no matter what and that you stop explaining yourself to others. Never forget about the people who raised you and that in every moment of your life you know who your real friends are. I hope you experience more happiness than sadness. Most of all I wish you health. Both physical and mental, because then you’ve got what you need.
Lots of love and massive thank YOU to one and every single one of you wonderful beasts reading this blog and following my daily tantrums on Instagram.
Now go on, have the best night of your year.
Love, B x
Top: Weekday via ASOS
Skirt: New Look
Headband: ASOS (sold out but similar)
2020 Diary: Oliver Bonas
Hand cream: Beauty Pie
Jewellery Box: Oliver Bonas