Don’t you agree that January lasted like three years, February was about two weeks long and March & April passed as fast as Melania removing her hand away from Trump?
YES, me too.
But May was indeed just as long as it needed to be?
I had extremely busy, very emotionally charged, activity-filled month AND fucking hell some very funny things happened to me. So I figured why not share my faves as you might either relate or have a mini LOL moment at my expense.
Here it goes.
- Wine Country on Netflix. I LIVE FOR TRASH MOVIES LIKE THIS. It’s like ultimate comedy you need in your life. It is nearly as funny as the Bridesmaides but main characters are middle aged which only makes you laugh even more (BUT, hello me in cca 30 years)
- When my postman delivered my 5th delivery of the week with an eye roll and a comment: “Another ASOS delivery, eh?” I then panicked a bit and lied that I am an influencer. (that’s me DONE)
- Getting locked in Regnet’s park whilst drinking prosecco with my besties and needing to jump over the fence to get out. (it is as simple as that)
- When my toddler nephew was video calling me but decided that talking to himself in a mirror is obviously more important.
- Bryony Gordon’s book Wrong Knickers, but most importantly chapter “How to survive the wedding season”
- Date from hell. *I need you to know that what I’m about to write isn’t made up it is in fact a true event I have evidence to support this story. AND YES, you’re allowed to laugh.*
I WENT ON A DATE WITH A TRUMP SUPPORTER. Yes, a right-wing, gun carrying, abortion approving, red colour wearing, Mexican hating, wall building, Trump supporting man. He was as Republican as they get.
I OF FUCKING COURSE HAD NO FUCKING IDEA. To me was a cute looking guy from Florida (ALARM! ALARM! ALARM!) who asked me out for drinks because he’s never dated a foreign gal (ALARM! ALARM! ALARM!) and wanted to take me out for dinner (WHO GOES OUT FOR A DINNER ON A FIRST DATE!?).
I stupidly downloaded Hinge few weeks ago and HE DIDN’T ADVERTISED IT ON THERE. Which let me tell you, IT SHOULD BE WRITTEN THERE. Especially if on a first date, you’re planning to tell a girl that once you get married, she’s your property.
Now, I negotiated drinks in my local pub because hello safe drinking and dating and first 15 minutes were indeed very pleasant. Then he mentioned he’s a 25-year-old virgin (HEY, ain’t nothing wrong with that but ALSO HEY, you’re an American). THEN I JOKED (thinking he was joking) how now he’s gonna tell me that he also voted for Trump which by his very serious question: “WHAT’D BE WRONG WITH THAT?” told me that I should stop joking because he isn’t joking.
It took be approximately 22 seconds to put on my fully democrat, open-minded and feminist brain to work and start what now seems to me like slightly dramatic monologue about how everything he believes and stands for is WRONG.
Then we started having a debate and oh boy!!! (Hilary and Trump should be ashamed) Very long and very amusing story short, after what seemed like forever but obvs was only 45 minutes two people (hi Tori & Richard) jumped in on our convo because I was fucking losing it, and of coure Tori was the most fab feminist lawyer, killed him with her arguments to the point where he decided to leave the beer garden and wait for me inside (NEVER HAPPENED, as the waiter let me leave the pub in the back exit). Tori and Richard then bought me drinks (total of seven), and tried to cheer me up with their funny date stories and we stayed there for next two hours discussing how very narrow minded ‘Mericans (does not apply to Democrats) are and how no Londoner should ever take shit from them. We were also joined by two other girls in our chat, (don’t remember your names lovelies but thanks for more drinks) until the pub was closing and the waiter who eventually saved me told me that that dude is still waiting for me inside. MAJOR LOL MOMENT I still don’t believe it happened but HEY, you win some, you lose some. (ALSO I HAD FEW ANGRY MASSAGES FROM HIM LATER ON BUT THANKS GOD FOR BLOCK OPTIONS)